Thinking

I often wonder, after what we've been through in the past year, why Avery is here with me. I feel like the normal reaction would be, Why does Avery have Turner's Syndrome and health issues, when so many other kids are born perfectly healthy?. The thing is, I don't- actually, I wonder, Why does Avery get better and thrive when so many other children are suffering and getting worse? May be it's from being in hospitals with sick children surrounding us, or hearing of precious children who die or just don't get better after a horrible diagnosis. I'm not sure, but I do think about it, and I think about it a lot. Sure, I'd love to think that we are just special, and that God is blessing us because he loves us so much. In part, that may be true, but the real truth of the matter is that God loves us all the same, and many of the children who are not getting better belong to very faithful and loving Christian families who are praying and giving their all to God. I've even wondered if it's who is praying and what they are praying for- are we asking for the right things- does God approve of the manner of our requests? But really, that can't be it. I do honestly believe that there is some purpose for all of this, and that Avery is some intricate detail in the huge plan God has for this world. I feel so indescribably blessed and loved every time I look at her. She is the one thing I do not take for granted. I guess it's easy for me to "figure out" my story in my brain, but when compared to other stories in this world, my theory doesn't always check out! I still feel saddened when things don't work out for others the way they have been working out for us. I almost feel guilty for having a child that is being healed by God's hand, when there are others who aren't so lucky. God does provide a mysterious comfort to those who seek him, and I have felt that comfort. It must be extremely magnified for those who are suffering far worse than I've had to suffer. I think there is an intricate plan for all of us whether we live a long time, a brief time, or only in our mother's womb. I know these children that don't make, that suffer, have an incredible impact on people in this world. It's all just something we can't understand...another reason why God is God- his knowledge surpasses our understanding. We can think we know, but we don't really- we're just human. That's why I know Heaven is going to be such an swesome place- God created it. There is no hurt or pain there- only perfect happiness. That is almost unimaginable to me being on this earth. That thought though, is what got me through hearing my Avery wasn't going to live. The thought of her being somewhere wrapped in God's love and protection- that makes the unbearable, bearable. She wouldn't have known a tear or feeling of sadness or disappointment or pain- wow! May be that is what keeps those who are losing the battle on this earth going...just thinking.