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More Things I Don't Want to Forget...

Sometimes, it is the small things that are the most significant. For my birthday, we decided not to do too much because we are going on a nice vacation in July. Jake sent me to get a pedicure Saturday while he watched Avery, which is was good enough for me! On my actual birthday, however, he surprised me. He got up early, while I was still sleeping, and took Avery to get me breakfast from Dunkin Donuts...coffee and a yummy bagel!! He gave me a funny card (as usual), and we sat down and ate together. He then left the room, and told me he had something else for me. He came back with two small velvet bags, and proceeded to tell me how he'd had these things since we were in New York, but was waiting on the right time to give them to me.
As you know, there are lots of street vendors there, and he had previously told me about one particular lady that he conversed with on the street when he went to work out one day. He pulled a polished stone out of one bag that read "believe." He told me that he thought of me as the corner stone of our family, and that when he saw that stone, he thought about me. He said a few other very meaningful things, and then pulled out the next stone. It was a pink heart shaped stone, that was almost perfectly smooth. I say almost, because there was a small imperfection, almost like a crack, on the surface that had been sealed. The lady had given him that stone for Avery. Just like Avery's heart, it is beautiful, with a little imperfection that had been repaired. Jake didn't even know about the crack, until I showed it to him- I thought that was really neat.
That was probably the most significant and meaningful gift I'd ever received on my birthday. Jake is not the mushy, romantic type, so that makes it even more special to me. It made me feel so appreciated, loved, and just thought of more than anything else. While I didn't share the most intimate details of what he said to me, I wanted to write this down as a very memorable moment in my life...one that I never want to forget.
A few other things...
The way Avery puts her head on my shoulder and clings to me as if giving me a big hug when I pick her up from her nap.
Avery's happy, belly laugh.
The sight of Avery slumped over asleep in her bed because she fell asleep sitting up-she is so hard-headed!
Watching Jake and Avery play on the living room floor each night.

Father's Day/ My Birthday 2010

Well, my birthday normally falls very close to Father's Day, and this year, it was actually on Father's Day! I have a great dad who has been through a lot this year, so spending the day with him meant a lot to me. Dad, thankfully, just finished radiation treatments for skin cancer. They actually found the cancer attached to a muscle in his neck the day we were traveling home from New York. So, in other words, I found out that dad had cancer the day we came home from Avery's heart surgery. What a month, huh? The awesome news is, the cancer was contained to that area, and they were able to surgically remove it, and the radiation was to prevent it from returning, which I hope and pray it never does. That seems like such a crazy month, but it was filled with tons of answered prayers and blessings! God has been so gracious and good to my family, especially lately!
As far as fathers go, let me also say a word about my husband, Jake. I always figured he would be a good dad, but I didn't realize what an awesome dad he'd actually be in reality. He spends so much quality time with Avery, and she just makes his eyes light up when he sees her. It's a beautiful thing to witness, and I am so glad to have a husband who is able to communicate with both my daughter and me emotionally. I know that Jake understands how important a father is in a daughter's life, and he will always fill that need for her. That is what I appreciate the most about him- he loves unselfishly. What a wonderful thing! May God Bless good da-das!
Happy Father's Day!!

Reflection

Well, I am turning 32 tomorrow- where does the time go, really?
I remember in my 20's, I always felt I needed to rush, or be in a hurry to do things once my birthday arrived. I guess I thought I'd wake up and be an old lady who hadn't accomplished all that I'd hoped to accomplish in life or something!! The truth is, you really are as old as you feel, and I still feel about 25, so I'm in good shape, right?
I can say that I've learned a lot since I was 25 though. In most cases, I've learned it the hard way too. I think to myself sometimes that I am the same person but different, which is a contradictory statement, I know! I guess what I mean is, For the most part, I still have the same temperament, morals, values, etc.as I did before, but I see the world and view my life differently than I once did. I've more or less grown as a person and as a Christian. I've learned from the many, many, many, many, many (lol) mistakes I've made which I feel is an accomplishment. I hope I continue to learn from the many, many, many more I will make in the future!
I remember when I first graduated from high school, I felt sure I'd have graduated from college by the time I turned 21, and would be married and starting a family shortly thereafter. Well, let's just say, that didn't happen. There were lots of other things that I thought would happen in my college years, that surely didn't turn out as well. If you would have told me that I'd be married to a close friend of my brother Mitchell's, living and teaching in Pearl, MS, raising a child with heart problems and Turner's Syndrome- I would have first freaked out because that is pretty detailed (haha), and then asked if you'd lost your mind!! I guess this is the case for most people though, we have all of these expectations in life, and some of them turn out, but usually not the way we thought they would.
I do know that you have to be able to bend. If you won't bend, then life is going to get you down. Now, I am surely not saying to settle and give up on things. What I am saying is that you have to give a little more sometimes, even if you really don't want to, and you have to understand that what God wants for you, isn't always what you want for you. That is probably the most important thing I have learned in 32 years of life. Even more, I've learned that even if what God wants isn't what I had planned for in the beginning, it brings me more joy than I would have experienced doing it my own way.
Regardless of how I got to where I am, I am here, and I love it. I used to carry so much just 'stuff' around with me. I guess you could call them burdens. Thankfully, as I have grown closer to God, that part of me has faded away. Even when my mind is so crazy, that I can't focus on praying like I should, I am always able to just praise God and tell him how thankful I am for what I've been blessed with. If there is one thing I want to teach Avery, it is how to measure wealth. I want her to see the abundance of love surrounding her, all of her physical needs that have been met, and most of all, the sacrifice of Jesus Christ given to save her. No matter how much money I have, I am rich. I am thankful for the 32 years God has given me and all of those I've been given to share that time with! I'm just wondering what else is in store! Happy Birthday to ME!! Lol

Anger and Forgiveness

Forgiveness is sort of a touchy subject sometimes. I myself have easily forgiven lots of things but not so easily forgotten them. Because of my lack of forgetfulness, I often wonder if I really forgave to start with!!
In my heart of hearts, I do know that I truly hold no grudges for things from my past at this point in my life, and realize that at no time during most of those occurrances, was I completely innocent. I say that because although some pretty messed up things happened to me in the past, I may have allowed myself to be a part of it by not breaking away from the relationship and standing up for myself, or I may have gossiped about situations after being disappointed and hurt by someone, or may be I didn't handle it all in the best manner. The truth is that no one is perfect, and we all make mistakes, whether big or small.
I'm able to consciously look back on things to place where somewone went wrong, why they may have done such a thing, and what I could've done differently. My problem arises when someone doesn't acknowledge they've done any wrong, and doesn't feel any need to change... Sort of continues down the same path without caring whose lives they affect. I'm not really sure how to deal with that- it something that upsets me- kind of makes my normal good attitude turn sour. It makes it hard for me to continue relationships or be around the people who behave in these ways. It doesn't even have to be someone I have any real relationship with- for example, a student comes to school daily late, and is tired all the time (so much that he/she cannot focus on his/her studies). His/her clothes are alway dirty and hair is never brushed...he/she may or may not have had a bath in several days. I get angry at the parent who when spoken with about the matter always has an excuse. In my mind, I'll never understand that. There are so many parents that just put themselves before their children, and some of them don't even realize that they do it! It's maddening, really.
I'll also never understand jealousy of having certain things, when for the most part, we all have opportunities to make something of ourselves. I bet it's difficult to find someone successful just -in general life- who doesn't have some sad misfortune in their past that could've held them back- but they didn't allow it to. I know we all have some moments where we wish we had something someone else has, or we wish we could do something that someone else is doing, but I'm talking about feeling sorry for yourself and being irritated with that person- like it's their fault you are where you are. It's ridiculous, and it also makes me angry, lol!
The truth is to truly forgive is to completely let go of something, to have a heart like Christ and love people the way he does. If only it were that simple, right?! It's pretty black and white though- there aren't any gray areas, although we like to create some. It always sounds good when we rationalize with ourselves or others around us- but that doesn't mean it's ok.
I am relieved at this point in my life, that I don't hold any unforgiven circumstances in my heart. I have really forgiven those who have wronged me, and hope that I have also been forgiven of the wrongs I have done. My true issue is what I spoke of above, just random, every day things people do (or continuously do) without thought or with selfish thought. That is where I need the most work. I know it's ok for me to be angry for injustices, but holding on to those angers and having a bad attitude- not so ok.
I'm going to figure out a way to work this out, even if it is just memorizing a verse to say every time I begin to feel that way!

Birthday Pics

Avery's FIRST Birthday!!

I cannot believe my little angel is now ONE! It is just crazy for me to think about. She is doing so much these days, and she fills my life with such joy and excitement. She is just such a blessing, and I couldn't imagine my life any different than it is now. Jake and I were looking through some pics of my pregnancy (eek!) and of Avery's birth tonight. It was all so surreal. Jake was frantically snapping pictures in the delivery room, and had held the camera up over the sheet to get the shot of Avery actually coming out of my cut open tummy- CRAZY! We kind of laugh about that now, because we don't think they were quite ready when they said, "Daddy, get your camera ready!" The most awesome picture to me, however, was the one of the first time I ever saw Avery- I have it posted on my blog. That moment cannot be expressed in words. There are so many things I remember so vividly about that time- waiting to get the feeling back in my legs in the recovery room, hearing the phone ring when the doctor called to tell us about her heart and transport, feeling faint the first time I held her in the NICU before she was transported, the edge of the plastic side of her bed in NICU at UMC as I stood over her for hours at a time, the smell of her as she lay there....its all still there as if it happened yesterday. Now, she is one, and I am filled with more love and appreciation for her now than ever before. It's funny, some people say, I loved my child more than life from the moment I saw him or her. I have always loved Avery, but the longer I held her and got to know her...brought her home finally feeling like she is mine from the hospital....the more and more I have loved her. As a matter of fact, every day, my love for her grows stronger.
I had been thinking about her first birthday for some time, and knew I wanted it to be just Jake and I with her on the actual day- June 9. That turned out fine, because it was on a Wednesday any how. I made her a pink, strawberry cake- which turned out a little lop-sided, but that is ok- there is perfection in imperfection, lol. I topped it with the clay figurine I had made of a little red head next to a #1 to hold her candle. We filmed her high-stepping down the hall holding my hands in her cupcake onesie and tutu. She opened presents from us, and then went on the cake. She was actually ready for a nap at the time, but was too hard-headed to take one, so we went with it. I think she enjoyed getting messy with the cake. Afterwards, it was bath and nap time!
It's so funny, but first birthdays are more about us than they are about the child- they certainly won't remember it! What she will see is the pictures, and I have plenty of those! I wanted to be crafty and take time to make things special so she'll look back and say, "my mommy did that for me." I'm not too much on themes, or don't like to go overboard with them. At the time I began planning, I thought I'd just do a cupcake theme. Once I decided to do it at our pool, I wished I had done lady bugs because of all the cute stuff I began to find, but it worked out. I ordered a cute cupcake banner from etsy.com along with personalized cupcake toppers to match. I just used shades of pink for the colors. I read some things online that other people did, and stole a few ideas...I used silicone cupcake cups to put flowers in on the table, put just light and dark pink party cloths on the underneath, I used some fabric that had a sprinkle pattern to put under the cupcake stand, and then I bought some cupcake cups and filled them with Mike and Ikes (someone said they look like sprinkles) and cupcake stickers, then put them in a clear bag with a small container of bubbles and tied them off with ribbon for favors. I also made some sugar cookie sandwiches with icing and rolled them in sprinkles, then put then in cupcake cups and bagged them. For the little ones, I found some rubber duckies holding cupcakes at Wal-Mart, and put them atop a cupcake cup filled with Goldfish crackers. It was fun looking for ideas and making the favors- I thought they were more unique. The cupcakes Mrs. Judy made were beautiful- different shades of pink (and a few chocolate) with different textures of icing. I didn't plan to do much food because it was from 10-12. I had a fruit tray with some dip I made from a Paula Dean recipe. I cut a watermelon, and attempter melon balls- they weren't the prettiest, but the melon was good no less. Then, my mom made some little spiral and a few cucumber sandwiches. We just had lemonade, water, and a few apple juice boxes for drinks. I also set up a table by the gate with a picture of Avery as a newborn in a frame I had decorated. I also made a clip frame from a few things I found on clearance at Hobby Lobby, and put her birthday announcement in that. I made a scrapbook page of Avery in her birthday tutu for everyone to sign. I decided I'd start this tradition, so she can look back on who was at her party each year with a few pics from the day. One of the gifts we gave her was a scrapbook to start this tradition in. I also wanted to give something as a reminder for prayers, because heaven knows, we still need them. I had the idea to make bracelets with a small cross and a small heart on them to signify who we pray to and what we pray for. It took some time, and I made different variations, but I think everyone liked them. I just figured if there was something tangible, people could look at it and remember to pray for her regularly- even if they just stick the bracelet on their dresser or in their vehicle. I bought a few cheap pool toys and threw them in for everyone to float on and play with.
Besides begin EXTREMELY HOT and HUMID- it was a great party. The whole point is, we celebrated one life-altering year that has been a sweet success. I wanted it to be special for Jake, Avery, and me, and it was...hopefully it was for others too. I am so thankful for all the people that love us and truly care about what goes on in our lives. So many people sent well wishes and came to celebrate with us- it's an awesome thing. I have amazing friends who traveled from Monroe and even Atlanta just to be there. We have just been blessed beyond measure when it comes to love and support. Kind of like Jeremy Camp's song lyrics..."I know that I've been given more than beyond measure, I come alive when I see beyond my fears, I know that I've been given more than earthly treasure, I come alive when I've broken down and given you control." I totally relate to that, and realize it more and more each day that passes.