If you were a fly on the wall....

If you were a fly on the wall at my house, the following are some things you might see.

Avery, sitting on her bottom, fists clenched, screaming, because I took something away from her. Yes, we have gotten to the beginning of the temper tantrum stage!

Avery babbling, with lots of "Da-Das, Dad-eezs, VVVs, BaBas, Ahhhs, " holding her hands up as if she is given a very serious speech to an audience.

Jake and/or me making various (probably rather annoying) sounds and/or songs as we spoon feed Avery. This also includes various dance routines choreographed by me to entertain Avery as she eats. We find distraction is the best way to get the food from the spoon into her actual mouth.

Me, holding and dancing around the house with Avery when she gets overly tired and fights sleep.

Avery, sitting on the step to our living room, pulling magazines from our basket and opening them as if she can actually read.

Jake, Avery, and/or me dancing to random music from toys or television- it's like music comes on, and we look at each other and begin to dance...as if it is a rule or something!

Just a few things you might see if you were a fly on my wall, lol!

BostonMed!

I have never watched this show- BostonMed - but I saw a preview and wanted to watch, just forgot to set DVR to record it. Any way, I was on the phone with my mom the other night, while she watched it. As we were talking, she told me there was a heart baby and it may be difficult for me to watch, but then she said, "hey, wait...it's Dr. Bacha!" It was so cool- Avery's surgeon from NYC was the baby's surgeon! I tuned in at that point! When we thought we were going to have the surgery in the Fall, we were told we would travel to Boston to that hospital. Since we were able to wait until after the holidays, we were sent to New York because Dr. Bacha moved there in January to take the chief of surgery position. The little bit of the show we did watch was very surreal- they showed part of the surgery, including the baby's heart in Dr. Bacha's hands- literally. I admit, it's very weird to watch. It's so dramatized on television- you have the music and the camera effects, but it's so much different, not to mention, more difficult in real life. Dr. Bacha said on the show, that if anyone could fix it, we can- he is so talented and blessed by God to do what he does. It's so weird to see him on television when he just called a few weeks ago from his cell phone to help me figure out some billing issues. I'm so relieved he was the one to perform Avery's surgery- to have the best possible option become avaiable to you is priceless. I've found that surgeons can be quite cold and impersonable until after the surgery is complete (which I am sure is an appropriate defense mechanism considering what they do), but Dr. Bacha, was very warm and comforting from the beginning. We just love him! Even though it brought lots of emotion to surface- it is was still really cool to see him on television!!

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More Things I Don't Want to Forget...

Sometimes, it is the small things that are the most significant. For my birthday, we decided not to do too much because we are going on a nice vacation in July. Jake sent me to get a pedicure Saturday while he watched Avery, which is was good enough for me! On my actual birthday, however, he surprised me. He got up early, while I was still sleeping, and took Avery to get me breakfast from Dunkin Donuts...coffee and a yummy bagel!! He gave me a funny card (as usual), and we sat down and ate together. He then left the room, and told me he had something else for me. He came back with two small velvet bags, and proceeded to tell me how he'd had these things since we were in New York, but was waiting on the right time to give them to me.
As you know, there are lots of street vendors there, and he had previously told me about one particular lady that he conversed with on the street when he went to work out one day. He pulled a polished stone out of one bag that read "believe." He told me that he thought of me as the corner stone of our family, and that when he saw that stone, he thought about me. He said a few other very meaningful things, and then pulled out the next stone. It was a pink heart shaped stone, that was almost perfectly smooth. I say almost, because there was a small imperfection, almost like a crack, on the surface that had been sealed. The lady had given him that stone for Avery. Just like Avery's heart, it is beautiful, with a little imperfection that had been repaired. Jake didn't even know about the crack, until I showed it to him- I thought that was really neat.
That was probably the most significant and meaningful gift I'd ever received on my birthday. Jake is not the mushy, romantic type, so that makes it even more special to me. It made me feel so appreciated, loved, and just thought of more than anything else. While I didn't share the most intimate details of what he said to me, I wanted to write this down as a very memorable moment in my life...one that I never want to forget.
A few other things...
The way Avery puts her head on my shoulder and clings to me as if giving me a big hug when I pick her up from her nap.
Avery's happy, belly laugh.
The sight of Avery slumped over asleep in her bed because she fell asleep sitting up-she is so hard-headed!
Watching Jake and Avery play on the living room floor each night.

Father's Day/ My Birthday 2010

Well, my birthday normally falls very close to Father's Day, and this year, it was actually on Father's Day! I have a great dad who has been through a lot this year, so spending the day with him meant a lot to me. Dad, thankfully, just finished radiation treatments for skin cancer. They actually found the cancer attached to a muscle in his neck the day we were traveling home from New York. So, in other words, I found out that dad had cancer the day we came home from Avery's heart surgery. What a month, huh? The awesome news is, the cancer was contained to that area, and they were able to surgically remove it, and the radiation was to prevent it from returning, which I hope and pray it never does. That seems like such a crazy month, but it was filled with tons of answered prayers and blessings! God has been so gracious and good to my family, especially lately!
As far as fathers go, let me also say a word about my husband, Jake. I always figured he would be a good dad, but I didn't realize what an awesome dad he'd actually be in reality. He spends so much quality time with Avery, and she just makes his eyes light up when he sees her. It's a beautiful thing to witness, and I am so glad to have a husband who is able to communicate with both my daughter and me emotionally. I know that Jake understands how important a father is in a daughter's life, and he will always fill that need for her. That is what I appreciate the most about him- he loves unselfishly. What a wonderful thing! May God Bless good da-das!
Happy Father's Day!!

Reflection

Well, I am turning 32 tomorrow- where does the time go, really?
I remember in my 20's, I always felt I needed to rush, or be in a hurry to do things once my birthday arrived. I guess I thought I'd wake up and be an old lady who hadn't accomplished all that I'd hoped to accomplish in life or something!! The truth is, you really are as old as you feel, and I still feel about 25, so I'm in good shape, right?
I can say that I've learned a lot since I was 25 though. In most cases, I've learned it the hard way too. I think to myself sometimes that I am the same person but different, which is a contradictory statement, I know! I guess what I mean is, For the most part, I still have the same temperament, morals, values, etc.as I did before, but I see the world and view my life differently than I once did. I've more or less grown as a person and as a Christian. I've learned from the many, many, many, many, many (lol) mistakes I've made which I feel is an accomplishment. I hope I continue to learn from the many, many, many more I will make in the future!
I remember when I first graduated from high school, I felt sure I'd have graduated from college by the time I turned 21, and would be married and starting a family shortly thereafter. Well, let's just say, that didn't happen. There were lots of other things that I thought would happen in my college years, that surely didn't turn out as well. If you would have told me that I'd be married to a close friend of my brother Mitchell's, living and teaching in Pearl, MS, raising a child with heart problems and Turner's Syndrome- I would have first freaked out because that is pretty detailed (haha), and then asked if you'd lost your mind!! I guess this is the case for most people though, we have all of these expectations in life, and some of them turn out, but usually not the way we thought they would.
I do know that you have to be able to bend. If you won't bend, then life is going to get you down. Now, I am surely not saying to settle and give up on things. What I am saying is that you have to give a little more sometimes, even if you really don't want to, and you have to understand that what God wants for you, isn't always what you want for you. That is probably the most important thing I have learned in 32 years of life. Even more, I've learned that even if what God wants isn't what I had planned for in the beginning, it brings me more joy than I would have experienced doing it my own way.
Regardless of how I got to where I am, I am here, and I love it. I used to carry so much just 'stuff' around with me. I guess you could call them burdens. Thankfully, as I have grown closer to God, that part of me has faded away. Even when my mind is so crazy, that I can't focus on praying like I should, I am always able to just praise God and tell him how thankful I am for what I've been blessed with. If there is one thing I want to teach Avery, it is how to measure wealth. I want her to see the abundance of love surrounding her, all of her physical needs that have been met, and most of all, the sacrifice of Jesus Christ given to save her. No matter how much money I have, I am rich. I am thankful for the 32 years God has given me and all of those I've been given to share that time with! I'm just wondering what else is in store! Happy Birthday to ME!! Lol

Anger and Forgiveness

Forgiveness is sort of a touchy subject sometimes. I myself have easily forgiven lots of things but not so easily forgotten them. Because of my lack of forgetfulness, I often wonder if I really forgave to start with!!
In my heart of hearts, I do know that I truly hold no grudges for things from my past at this point in my life, and realize that at no time during most of those occurrances, was I completely innocent. I say that because although some pretty messed up things happened to me in the past, I may have allowed myself to be a part of it by not breaking away from the relationship and standing up for myself, or I may have gossiped about situations after being disappointed and hurt by someone, or may be I didn't handle it all in the best manner. The truth is that no one is perfect, and we all make mistakes, whether big or small.
I'm able to consciously look back on things to place where somewone went wrong, why they may have done such a thing, and what I could've done differently. My problem arises when someone doesn't acknowledge they've done any wrong, and doesn't feel any need to change... Sort of continues down the same path without caring whose lives they affect. I'm not really sure how to deal with that- it something that upsets me- kind of makes my normal good attitude turn sour. It makes it hard for me to continue relationships or be around the people who behave in these ways. It doesn't even have to be someone I have any real relationship with- for example, a student comes to school daily late, and is tired all the time (so much that he/she cannot focus on his/her studies). His/her clothes are alway dirty and hair is never brushed...he/she may or may not have had a bath in several days. I get angry at the parent who when spoken with about the matter always has an excuse. In my mind, I'll never understand that. There are so many parents that just put themselves before their children, and some of them don't even realize that they do it! It's maddening, really.
I'll also never understand jealousy of having certain things, when for the most part, we all have opportunities to make something of ourselves. I bet it's difficult to find someone successful just -in general life- who doesn't have some sad misfortune in their past that could've held them back- but they didn't allow it to. I know we all have some moments where we wish we had something someone else has, or we wish we could do something that someone else is doing, but I'm talking about feeling sorry for yourself and being irritated with that person- like it's their fault you are where you are. It's ridiculous, and it also makes me angry, lol!
The truth is to truly forgive is to completely let go of something, to have a heart like Christ and love people the way he does. If only it were that simple, right?! It's pretty black and white though- there aren't any gray areas, although we like to create some. It always sounds good when we rationalize with ourselves or others around us- but that doesn't mean it's ok.
I am relieved at this point in my life, that I don't hold any unforgiven circumstances in my heart. I have really forgiven those who have wronged me, and hope that I have also been forgiven of the wrongs I have done. My true issue is what I spoke of above, just random, every day things people do (or continuously do) without thought or with selfish thought. That is where I need the most work. I know it's ok for me to be angry for injustices, but holding on to those angers and having a bad attitude- not so ok.
I'm going to figure out a way to work this out, even if it is just memorizing a verse to say every time I begin to feel that way!